My Hummingbird Dream

11/30/2009 

Walking in the back yard of Aunt Elizabeth’s. Lots of trees and hanging from the branches were different sized glass jars, filled with water and flowers. I passed by one on a low branch and saw there was a little humming bird in the jar, in the water, flapping its wings trying to get out. The hummingbird was colored and marked like a Chickadee, black and white.

I tried to get the glass jar unhooked and out of the tree but it was too heavy for me. I asked Dad (my Dad was walking with me) to lift it out of the tree. He started to but it was too heavy for him, too, and he dropped his arms, looked at me and smiled and kinda shook his shoulders, like he was shaking out the stiffness, then he got the jar down.

I couldn’t see the little hummingbird (and it was an extremely small hummingbird, I thought maybe it was a baby) but I started lifting out the rocks and sand and pouring out the water and found the bird laying among the smaller, finer rocks like it was dead. I thought it was dead. I lifted it up into my palm, pet it, and breathed on it and immediately it was awakened, was dry and alive.

Sometimes I feel like I'm spinning out of control.  I just stand in the kitchen and spin from east to north, north to south, south to west.  A strange experience that usually makes me laugh for the ludicrous nature of the whole thing.  It's a flag in my head to slow down, take a deep breath and ask for God's direction.  It comes, sooner or later.  Often it's the forced silence and stillness that my body and spirit desperately need.  And from that particular rest on that particular spinning-out-of-control-day, came the clear indication that it was time to simplify my life.  Easy beginning, start throwing junk out!  Out of my office, out of my living room, out of my life and out of my head!  (Mostly out of my head!)   It's wonderfully freeing and energy enhancing.

There are elements to it that are difficult, even painful.  I've had to say "no" to things I really, really like but are not contributing to my targets...targets to goals.  It won't be "no" forever, just for now.  And that ruffles others' feathers.  I gotta deal with it or next year I'll be in the exact spot I am today...and I wanna' and will be closer to my BIG WHY!

In the beginning...

I always wanted to be a cowgirl.  These were special days.  My sister, Annie Oakley, is behind me.  She carried a Derringer...and didn't hesitate to use it on me. 

I was happy just to pick the plastic fringe off of my cowgirl vest and chew it like gum...while I waited for the horse (I begged for until I was 16) to magically appear in in the yard.   This was the age in which I decided to jump through the tv screen and ride away with the Cisco Kid...it didn't work.

Set Aside Some Dreamin' Time